Today on the show we welcome Dale Hancock, an International Confidence Coach for kids.
In this episode, we talk about how to use confidence as a tool against anxiety and depression– and the central role that reduced use of and reliance on technology plays in that process.
This prepares young people for any battle that may come their way in life. Dale talks about some mental tools to equip kids and young people to have a winning and successful life. Dale also shares some techniques that we can use as the parent or elderly one to help a child find out their own definition of confidence and be the main character of their own story. You will hear about some exercises your kids can do to boost their confidence as well as how you can help boost your relationship with your kids.
In this episode you will hear:
- What is confidence
- The role that moderating technology plays in a child’s confidence building
- How to boost your child’s confidence
- How to use confidence against anxiety and depression
- How to encourage your child to adopt a healthier and more productive relationship with technology
- Mental and physical exercises for your kids
R Blank 0:02
Hello, everyone, I’m R blank and welcome to another episode of the healthier tech Podcast, the podcast about creating a healthier relationship with modern technology. Earlier this season, we’ve talked about digital detox. First from AJ, who has experience running a digital detox. And next from Yannick, who’s been through a digital detox and his work to implement it in his life. Today, we’re going to investigate digital detox from another perspective. Dale Vincent Hancock is an international confidence coach for kids, and the author of the book rock confidence, which became the number one Amazon bestseller in children and teen mental health. He’s spoken in the UK Parliament and formed a partnership with Nike to create just do it confidence workshops for kids.
Dale Hancock 0:43
So I’ve got a number of actions just here, where the parent is the architect, and therefore they are the one that’s has responsibility. They are the ones that are going to be in control of this. In regards to children. I like to keep this simple, and this is as easygoing as possible.
R Blank 1:01
Through his work, Dale has had the opportunity to impact and encourage over 50,000 students. And I’m very happy to have Dale on the show today to discuss some of the aspects of tech on children, especially on their confidence, development, and mental health. So let’s dive in. Before we begin a brief word, this podcast is brought to you by my company shield your body where it is our mission to help make technology safer for you and your loved ones to enjoy. Inspired by the life’s work of my father, Dr. Martin blanc one of the world’s leading EMF scientists I founded shield your body in 2012. We provide a ton of great and free resources for you to learn all about EMF radiation, like articles, ebooks, webinars and videos. And we also have a world class catalog of laboratory tested EMF and 5g protection products from our phone pouch and laptop pad all the way up to our bed canopy. All of our products are laboratory tested and include a lifetime warranty learn more about our products and why we have hundreds of 1000s of satisfied customers around the world at shield your body calm that shield your body, all one word.com or click the link in the show notes and use promo code pod to save 15% On your first order with free shipping throughout North America, the UK and Europe. Welcome to the healthier tech podcast. Dale, it’s a pleasure to have you.
Dale Hancock 2:14
Oh my gosh, it’s an absolute pleasure to be here. My main man, how are you?
R Blank 2:18
Oh, good. Thank you, and how are you doing?
Dale Hancock 2:20
I feel like I’m winning today. I’ve got up nice and early and prepare for my day. And I’m feeling confident and I’m excited to be here.
R Blank 2:26
Excellent. I gotta say I’m kinda on the same page. So we’re aligned for this wit for this chat. So to kick things off, could you just give the listeners a little bit of brief background on on who you are and the work that you do?
Dale Hancock 2:39
Absolutely. So hey, everybody, thank you for listening. My name is Dale, Vincent Hancock, I am the international confidence coach for kids. And I like to use confidence as a tool against anxiety and depression for later on. In life. It’s almost as if I am preparing young people for for any battle that may or may not come their way just to give them the mental tools to to have a successful winning life.
R Blank 3:06
So yeah, so I know a lot of your work is about confidence. And I understand the the role that you that you see playing in really serious issues of well being like anxiety and depression. What is to you what is actually like, what are we talking about when you say the word confidence? What is confidence?
Dale Hancock 3:24
For me personally, it’s completely bespoke to the individual. And this is where a lot of people trip up. So a lot of teachers or coaches, they if they’re coaching kids, or anyone, frankly, so so. So you just need to be more confident? Well, that’s absolutely fabulous. But what on earth is it, it relies completely on the individual input, and therefore consequently, outputs of the individual of what they believe about confidence to be so for me, mine will be completely different to yours. So right now, my definition of competence is the opposite of self consciousness, meaning I don’t mind what people think about me, I’m just going to get on and do my day. And if I were to turn that around with kids, I would like children to help them understand and solidify that they are the main character of their own story. And there’s a few little techniques that we can use to help a child find out their own definition of confidence because in what’s important about that is it helps them solidify that deeply in their unconscious so they can live their day, day by day. And that in their definition of confidence, because it might not might land Mike I could I could say well, my definition is the opposite of self consciousness that they may not know what that means. But they and they may not kind of feel acclimatized to that. So it’s important to help a child articulate their own definition and their own three little step formula to get confident every single day relative to them. I
R Blank 4:55
like that so I really like that. I read that as well on some of your other materials but what you just said, children are the main character in their story. I think that’s a that’s a really powerful metaphor through which to to just perceive your own to perceive your own life and existence. You mentioned a few exercises that that you could could you give an example of what those those extra? Like one, maybe two examples of what those exercises look like like what what do what do what do you recommend that children do?
Dale Hancock 5:28
Okay, that’s that’s an absolutely fabulous question. And the key number one point I like to raise in family because it’s really important to make sure that we build the child from the inside, but also help structure them on the outside by supportive adults. So identity, that is where it is at. So first of all, if we want any level of confidence, we first of all need to have some sort of understanding of who we are. And not to get lost in the in the ether of everyone else’s identity, especially what with social media going on in the world. I’m sure we’re going to hit that topic later on. But for now, if I could if I could do a bit of a demo with you. What is your favorite color?
R Blank 6:16
Yeah, you know, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis on that lately, but it might my general go to is orange. So I’ll just say orange.
Dale Hancock 6:24
For the sake of the podcast, thank you very much. So it is orange, purple. Well, mine’s purple. So I’m going to allow my purple to introduce itself to your orange and when I think of purple like my specific purple, not just a generic purple, my specific purple. I think of powerful I think of unique I think of rare, I think of fun, I think of enthusiastic, I think of strong, and I think a playful, and there’s many of the things I think of Okay, so when I think of that, that’s what I think of are just give me three words, you think of your color. And
R Blank 7:00
you know, it was funny, because as you were saying all that I was like those words all describe orange.
Dale Hancock 7:07
Now’s your chance you
R Blank 7:09
can have them. Sure. So power, yes, strength and illumination.
Dale Hancock 7:16
Oh my word. I love that. power, strength and illumination. Wonderful. And if you could for me, tell me your favorite animal?
R Blank 7:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I mean, now you’re gonna make I mean, my dog is in the room. So I have to say, I have to say dog. Otherwise she’ll be very upset.
Dale Hancock 7:36
Without question. Well, my dog is in the room and he’s gonna be okay with this. Because I’ve strengthened him. It’s all good. So when you think of dog, what do you think of what what’s powered again? Do you think of associated with dog?
R Blank 7:49
Oh, free loving, caring and loyal,
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Dale Hancock 7:56
amazing, free loving, caring and loyal. Cool. I might write this down actually. So
R Blank 8:01
yeah, please do it. I’m actually not taking these notes. So yeah, I’m gonna, I’m gonna want your analysis at the end.
Dale Hancock 8:09
Lovely. And now. If you could do me a slight favor. If you could think of some kind of Gooshie goal or something like a monster path perhaps that when you were young, you were kind of a bit freaked out with my thing is Ghost Ghost girls, there was a thing on Resident Evil it really freaked me out. I don’t know what it was. But I get very scared of ghosts girls for some reason. That’s one of my things. For you. It could be a zombie. It could be a werewolf from Harry Potter. Something that really freaks you out when you were younger, like a monster go for it.
R Blank 8:41
Actually, the the Michelin man. I remember though, freaked me out pretty good when I was very, very young.
Dale Hancock 8:48
And what was your What was your reasons? If you could identify them for me right now?
R Blank 8:51
I don’t you know, they were he was it’s not like I had a waking terror. And I just I remember him being a character in recurring nightmares.
Dale Hancock 9:00
Yeah, of course. Okay. And when he popped into your recurrent nightmares what cause what sort of emotions pops up? Would you say give me two.
R Blank 9:08
Oh, well, if you’re in terror.
Dale Hancock 9:10
Oh, wow. Okay, cool. fear and terror. Wow, amazing.
R Blank 9:15
Yeah, no, that’s weird. I didn’t have anything else to
Dale Hancock 9:18
wear like that was so much close to the state push my family man on from Ghostbusters.
R Blank 9:22
Yeah, by that point in time I’d gotten over it. Oh, by the time Ghostbusters came out, I was fine.
Dale Hancock 9:27
Thank heavens for that we can have a hell of a movie.
R Blank 9:30
Yeah, that was fantastic. I loved it.
Dale Hancock 9:33
Brilliant. Now just Just quickly, this is going to be quite useful for your listeners as well. What I’d like you to do, I’m going to have to trust you on this one because I can’t see your face. Do me a huge favor. And all I want you to do is take a deep breath in. And I’d just like you to drop the shoulders as you exhale. And as you do that, I just want you to close your eyes gently and safely. And I’d like you to do is imagine you’re on your favorite beach right now. Just imagine it for me and I’d like you to do is just feel the sand between your toes and feel the sunrays bounce off your skin, you can see the sunlight dancing of the ripples in the ocean. And you can hear the waves, it’s very enticing. So enticing you to start to walk over to the ocean and you take your steps step by step closer and closer, you can feel the wind, he probably have some goals in the background. And you take one step, and you can feel the ocean pool around your ankles. And another step, another step, and glorious warm water is just right, rising above your knees, past your hips, past your chest, and you’re just on your shoulders. And you can just feel your tippy toes on the ocean bed. And you bend your knees slightly. And with sheer excitement you leap up and just dive and propel yourself through the ocean. And to your absolute astonishment, are you realize you can breathe underwater, you realize you can see crystal clear underwater? And you can swim as fast as a bullet a bit like Aquaman. Where would you go? Would you want to say, do it now as fast as you can, and just spend 5432 Or one and just gently open your eyes and burst through the ocean surface as you do? And come back to me. Okay, a lot of trust in this relationship. I’m going to assume you did that. Fantastic. So that tell me when you realize you can breathe underwater. And then you could go anywhere. And you could swim as fast as but what kind of words popped up to you just they’re
R Blank 11:37
empowered. But yeah, that’s a pretty cool feeling to feel like you can breathe underwater and travel as fast as you want.
Dale Hancock 11:44
100% So you’re gonna empower this guy for cheap more, I’m going to push it.
R Blank 11:49
Liberty liberated. Yeah. And strong.
Dale Hancock 11:54
Yeah, wonderful. Absolutely. Wonderful. Okay, cool. So there’s a purpose behind this, obviously, I’m just playing fun and games. And that’s the end of the podcast, guys. I’ll see you know, so there’s the whole purpose of that is because when we are young, we don’t see color. Until we get to roughly around about six months. And when we start identifying color, when we put a label a word to a certain shape or color in our lives. Our brain is responsible for two or three things but main to our functionality of our bodies and the mechanics. So right now if your body you are listening to this, and you do an absolutely fabulous job of pumping blood around your body, congratulations, you’re also growing your hair, well, then that’s that’s a good skill, but you’re not thinking about those things it just happens is the mechanics. The second thing is is survival, survival. And sometimes you may have to run away from a bear highly unlikely, especially if you live where I live. But you might have to run across the busy road and your brain switches on seek to activate that. Unfortunately, sometimes our brain is a bit dumb, it doesn’t know the difference between a real danger and a made up danger. For example, children putting their hand up in class to answer a question. So why do we do that for because what we’re doing here is we’re understanding the purpose of our self, our identity. And this is a four step process that I go through with every single child to figure out who they are, so they can come to terms with their level of confidence. So why do we do color for because when we first see color, our brain automatically for survival purposes. It latches on to our favorite we feel safe with that there’s often certain things in our life that were especially as we were developing mind and growing up, we want to attach onto things to keep a safe, it’s a very, very cool mechanism. And in fact, frankly, far superior than adults. Because our brain is working in theater brainwaves, which is fabulous. If you want more information on that I suggest everyone go and see Dr. Bruce Lipton talking about the imprint phase. So what we’re doing here is we are figuring out a child’s favorite color. And if we look for what we do is when we find our favorite color we search for that through our lives are then there may have been if it’s for you on Orange, there may be a time when you play a board game, you select the orange piece, so you’ve got certain orange clothing. I was working with a 25 year old male recently and his favorite color was it like a deep blue. And his guess what color his BMW is a deep blue BMW, he didn’t want any other color. So we search for that. And because we’ve been identified with that, because we’ve had that in our psychology, for however many years of our favorite color, what we do is, I think you can gather where I’m going here is we are attaching part of ourself to that favorite color. So I kind of tricked you in a way. When you thought of when you thought of powerful, illuminated, wonderful, strong, maybe even elite. You’re not actually thinking about that of your orange secretly but not so secretly anymore. You are now thinking about yourself. So you think those words about yourself. And that’s really important for a child to understand, especially with the fact They get lost in social media, they get lost in the classroom, they get lost in the, in the class of their warning 30 kids and then one in one in 80 in the year group, and then one in 600. In the entire school, they lose themselves, they don’t know who they are. So what I do is I secretly trick kids into into identifying some power words. And that’s them. So that’s there’s a psychology behind that. Shall I continue?
R Blank 15:25
No, well, so we’re in this is I really enjoying this conversation. But what you just said, I think, kind of gives me some hints as to how technology plays into this, this system of belief that that you’re explaining and that you advocate can win.
Dale Hancock 15:44
Yes, and I’m going to polish off the other ones for me out for just for two seconds. So when we go, thank you, when we think of our favorite animal, these are the traits so you’ve put loyal and free loving, etc. These are the traits that you look for in friendships. And guess what this is who you are, and wanting in a friendship, this is who you are, when you are associated with other people. And this is good because it helps children clarify the sort of people they want to hang around with. And steer clear from which just so happens to be in your case, people that elicit traits like the Michelin Man, which is fear and terror. So there may be some sort of bullies around there, or people doing dangerous tasks. Those are the sort of people that you want to avoid, because they, they elicit some fear or terror response, we could go a bit more deeper in that, but I’m aware of the time and then went on. Yeah, when when we did the ocean task just there. You said empowered, liberated, strong, there’s 1000s, by the way, are 1000s in your brain that we could have, we could dig into this is the future you want. And this is really cool, because it helps a child identify who they are at the present right now, who the people who their support mechanisms, or the traits and the characteristics of that particular support mechanism they need in their life and want in their life, and where they want to go in this life. And we can use all of those traits just there and combine it later send a confidence sentence around what they want. So you could have something like, I will operate powerfully every single day, and stick close with free loving friends and feel liberated every day. And you search for them that could that could be your I just made that off the cuff actually,
R Blank 17:28
oh, that sounds great. I mean, good. So you’re gonna help me get all that?
Dale Hancock 17:31
Yeah, there we go. And we use it, we write up our sentence down, we can put it on our phone, we can write it down, we can say every single morning when we wake up, it’s called doing affirmations in the mirror. Sometimes some people feel a comfort with it. But if we can really focus the long affirmation and create this power sentence or this confidence boosting sentence, and say it every single day, we start living it and as you must be thoroughly aware, our where our thought goes, our energy goes. So if we can use that thought to influence our words, then that’s going to affect our actions in the day.
R Blank 18:08
So and this is a type of exercise that you would run with, with children.
Dale Hancock 18:12
Yes. In fact, frankly, I do. And, and adults as well, I did this when I did a corporate event with GE General Electric. And we did it, we focused it around relationships as well. So and that was really, really useful. So it can be used for for anybody, frankly.
R Blank 18:30
So jumping back in, we’re going to talk about what we just did. Because you you just psychoanalyze me. Forget, forgive, we’re gonna we’re gonna get every every every cent of value out of that experience. But earlier on, you described confidence in your definition, you said, everyone, it’s a bespoke definition. And at least at one aspect of your definition, is the opposite of self consciousness that you don’t care what people think of you. I would imagine that that gets harder in in a world of social media, right? You need to be more resilient against alien opinions and thoughts, when you are exposed to them all of the time.
Dale Hancock 19:11
You are 100% Correct. And I would say that all of us right now are quite lucky, especially over the age of 30. Let’s put it that way.
R Blank 19:23
You’re so kind,
Dale Hancock 19:25
I’ll stop it. The reason being is because that we didn’t have to ride the social media wave when we were developing through our social phase of our life. So if we break our life down into four different phases, so you’ve got the imprint phase, the development phase, the social phase, and more of them, the more ambitious phase of our life. The the social phase occurs between roughly the ages of 12 to 19, sometimes a little bit longer. So I didn’t experience social media in that time and That is so tough because all we want to do in that phase of our life is make friends grow our troop, we want to avoid our chat with our mommy and daddy, because they’re just white noise. Now mommy and daddy say the same thing, at the same time of day with the same tonality using the same words, and just goes in one ear and out the other. So we are looking for acceptance and companionship and belonging elsewhere. And with it’s almost like the the paralysis of Netflix. Have you ever done this out? And if you’ve got Netflix
R Blank 20:33
answer’s yes, yeah, no, yeah. Last season, we talked about tech addiction. And I had to come, I had to come face to face with the fact that Netflix counts as as tech addiction.
Dale Hancock 20:44
What absolutely will also it’s the tech analysis, sorry, the Netflix paralysis. We, I sit there, and sometimes me my partner, we sit there and unless we don’t have any awareness, we wash we watch while we flick through. And 20 minutes later, we’re still flicking there’s so much choice. And that’s what it is in the in, in a tribal sense. With children, there’s so much choice. And sometimes they can make the wrong decision if they don’t if they can’t identify themselves. And they do not know that that themselves enough and who they want to show up in the world and who they want to gravitate towards. So it’s really tough for us in because we haven’t been through the social phase, but they they’re currently going through that now.
R Blank 21:23
Yeah, no, I have long been thankful that I mean, and I you know, I used to be you probably don’t know this, but I used to be in, in software development. And I had a software engineering firm for for a couple of decades. And I was surrounded by Tech, I love tech. But even then, I was I was so thankful that I did not have to grow up in the age of of Facebook. And it’s obviously expanded much more beyond Facebook now but so that, yeah, I just can’t imagine the pressures and influences that are on on children these days.
Dale Hancock 21:58
Yes, absolutely heartbreaking, especially if they haven’t been guided in the right way by adults, parents, but guess what, they haven’t lived it. So what can they possibly do? To help a child grow? Through that face?
R Blank 22:10
Yeah, so yeah, what? Yeah, what?
Dale Hancock 22:15
I’ve got actually, I’ve created a little list of actions. If you would like to hear what what’s helped me and my clients,
R Blank 22:25
yeah, if you could, if you could kind of identify, you know, what, what is it that you do with, with children? What which of these actions are related to, you know, what you advise children versus what, which of these actions or what you advise their parents?
Dale Hancock 22:41
Yes, it’s very, very good point. So the, the key architect of the household is the parents. So this is age, depending really, so I’ve got a number of actions just here, where the parent is the architect, and therefore they are the one that’s has responsibility. They’re the ones that are going to be in control of this. In regards to children, I like to keep it as simple and as as easygoing as possible. But I’m going to dig into the parents all of that. And by the way, these things are action. So it’s how I help my clients and myself as well. So first of all, if we’re looking at children that are developing from the ages of perhaps, or early aged children, so if we get less, let’s say, three, to 12, primary school, or, you know, primary school over here in the UK, there’s a there’s a lot of evidence that suggests that children should definitely not be using any screen time before the age of two. So you know, 24 months, you shouldn’t do that. They shouldn’t do that. And that’s from the the World Health Organization. And its main reasons for that. So
R Blank 23:47
if I may ask that because they’re so young. Is that when if parents are on board with that one, is that generally very easy to enforce? Or do you find parents have trouble even with that
Dale Hancock 23:58
one? Well, that’s the thing really, isn’t it? And we need to define what are we talking about? screentime? Because there’s many parents that will just think, well, I sit my child down if we seem
R Blank 24:06
to have lost, Dale, I don’t see any waveforms. Oh, my head now up. That’d be great. Yeah. Can I ask that question? So just pretend I just asked that question and pick it back up, please.
Dale Hancock 24:16
Yeah, of course. Yeah, well, that depends on the type of screen. So are we talking about a screen where the child sits in front of Netflix and watch Peppa Pig? Or are we talking about shoving an iPad in front of them so they can just play on certain games? So it’s really Cavalier of meters to say, no, no parent should allow their child to watch any TV but that’s really tough because life happens and life can be quite stressful as a as a parent, you know, they’ve got to work. They’re raising a child. And sometimes parents need a respite as well. So the first thing that was a key priority is a child is excuse me is is the parents mental health, and the parent is the one that’s first. So if a child is sitting And they’re drawn to Peppa Pig or something, then then an hour, an hour just just to kind of have that respite that switch over time. But as long as you hold the balance in regard to doing physical things and playing in interaction, playing brick work and building things, and just having those facial expressions, that’s really, really important as well. So,
R Blank 25:22
so you’re not just advocate. I apologize for jumping in, but I have a lot of questions here. So you’re not just advocating no screentime you’re advocating active replacements to screentime?
Dale Hancock 25:31
Yes. If that’s if that’s if that’s possible and doable for a parent, because we all we all do lead lead busy lives. And I in fact, I’ve got a friend of mine, he she’s got a child now and she’s two years old. And oh my gosh, it’s it’s 24 24/7 Is it 24/7 job and, and parents, it’s it’s really hard to be a parent in this in this day and age, especially with the pressure of work and whatnot. So I would say I would advocate replacements, Ivan. And if anything, if you are struggling with with entertaining your child, the best thing would be to do is it’s almost like a baton. So mummy then daddy and daddy the mummy. And it’s very, it’s not uncommon for a child, especially before the age of two just to latch on to one parent. In fact, that’s that tends to happen that’s very, very common. Where the, the baby will latch on to the mother per se or the or the Father. And if even if it’s the data taken off, and they cry their eyes out because they want to be with with the money. But if you can stimulate more people in their lives that stimulate more action to help them interact with new people and different people that’s really going to help you as well. So if anything, Organization is key just here because you can organize playdates, you can go see the grandparents, you can keep things active and moving and mobile, spend some time with, with a nanny and grandpa. And just keep the flow of human interaction as high as possible. And keep that contact, keep that contact. And that’s a replacement for screens. Just saying on it. little caveat to that. If you are by yourself and perhaps a single parent, don’t harm yourself mentally by feeling washed out, drained out, and completely burnt out. A little bit of Peppa Pig. By the way, not sponsored by Peppa Pig at all. I didn’t want to mention that for the other shows are available. And
R Blank 27:27
it’s fun to say though, but yeah, yeah, it is. So if I, if I can ask them before we move on, because we’re we’re still at this two year benchmark? Yeah. And you can answer this one of two ways. You say no, screentime before age two, what is the harm of screentime? before age two? Or what is the benefit of limiting screentime? before age two?
Dale Hancock 27:48
Yes. It’s a very, very, very good question. So unfortunately, what’s happening with the child is they are in the imprint phase of their life. So their brains work in theater brainwaves, and they’re just absorbing everything, and they’re doing everything they possibly can to survive on this planet. And if a child had before the age of two, that a child’s brain works a lot differently than than than an adult’s brain, it’s almost like, in fact, a child’s brain. If I can give it this way, if there was if there were 10, chimps, chimpanzees in order and align, and we have to look at their faces. There, we all named them, we all named them, and they ordered an order. And then parents, adults turned around, and then we shifted that where the chimps were located, and we had to turn around and guess which order they’re in by identifying the chimp. And therefore given them the same name that was given beforehand, I couldn’t do that we couldn’t do that you couldn’t do that was a baby’s brain, especially before the age it was almost before the age of seven, probably four, they can identify. They’re the chimps, they could they could identify the chimps, they can see if we, if we shuffle the order, they can see which order goes in what order, which is absolutely fascinating. So when they do that, if it’s, we, the reason I’m saying is for is because when a child is absorbing all of that information from the screen time, they come in a lot more dependent on it. And there’ll be there’ll be reaching out for it, they’ll become a lot more dependent, and it’s just a matter of time before the parent just thinks I’ve just had enough and, and here we go. So it actually limits creativity skills, it stops the so for example, awareness, it stops, it kind of reduces this is the Bereishit research that I’ve read, it reduces the sensory accommodation, so climatization. So if you think about it, a child is looking at one place at one thing and they’re not being alert at other places. So it’s reducing their century output as it were. And the benefits of not having screen time will be the opposite of what I just said. So the benefits of not having screen time replacing that with more interactions with human beings is fantastic because it’s going to helps boost social skills, it’s going to help increase sensory awareness of around them. Amongst amongst other things as well, I can give you a giant list. So
R Blank 30:11
no, no, no, yeah, no, that’s, that’s, that’s good. So So there’s your goal is no screentime, before age two, then what happens at age, you know, to two and a half, well,
Dale Hancock 30:19
then we can gently introduce it. So if we were to, if I was to be completely anal, then we could say, from three to around about four, then you’re probably looking at what an hour or so a day, it’s sort of to the discretion of the individual. But also, what’s really, really good about this is that, I would definitely introduce screens, but I would have a heavy schedule. On it, I would make sure there’s a family plan around screens, I would make sure as well, there is a room that is completely screen free. No phones by the parents, no TV, and then you’re more than likely you’re looking at the diet, the dining room where we sit down and have a meal. And this is really good. Because if we remove the screens, I know the child may not be aware of it. But if we don’t, if we do not incorporate those those habits and those family values early on with a child, then incorporating them when they’re 12, or 16, is absolutely complete, the solid to do, it’s like pushing a boulder up Mount Everest, it’s so hard to do. So I would say, just to introduce it on one hour, probably a day, if that. And then you can gradually increase that as you go. Now we must, and that includes TV to what we must do as well is if you can be really, really anal on the time of day, and the length of time they are on it. And if you can identify a timing mechanism as well. So we’re talking about very, very young kids. And we need to incorporate this as we go. And we need to say Oh, because you’re I don’t know, five years old, I’ll because you’ve older, obviously speak to them that as you would speak to them, oh, you’ve reached five now. So now we can we can do this. But before we do that, let’s go and do this instead. And what I mean by that is, it’s important to make sure that we incorporate a balance, a habit of balance. And that means going up playing being fiscal climbing a tree, and then using using screen time,
R Blank 32:21
but then then the kids go to school at some point, how can you effectively manage their screen time once they leave the house?
Dale Hancock 32:28
I’ll say yeah, so with with screen with screen time, this is really good as well. So when they go to school, they can they can come home, and if they’ve got any homework or they or they talk throughout the day, you can have a conversation with them, then you can introduce the screens if if you so wish, screen time in regard to score so they could have it lessons you’re probably looking at when I was oh, my gosh. So when I was in school recently, actually, they have two hours of computing a week. So that that’s not that intrusive on their well being. But at the weekends, then this is where it really comes into play as well. This is where the structure is children needs structure. This is what a lockdown was so tough because as you’re fully aware screentime shot up immediately. And the real question is did did technology screens save us during lockdown? Or did it hinder us?
R Blank 33:24
Yeah, I mean, I think the answer could be both. Yeah,
Dale Hancock 33:27
absolutely. Absolutely. So So if again, if you are being very, very anal in regards to screen time, you could find out what lessons that what lessons they had throughout the week of which parents should know that the timetable of their child to be to be perfectly frank, so they can see if there’s any computing on there. And if they do feel like not having any screen time on those particular days, and that’s absolutely fine. Working with the family at the moment in London, and they only have screen time, three times a week, week throughout the week. So Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And that’s it and there’s no there’s this then one negotiables
R Blank 34:02
that’s the the what you’re describing here, right? Sounds great if a parent comes to you when they have a newborn or even better, you know, six months before they have a newborn and they can kind of plan this out what happens when a family comes to you and the child is already 10 how does how do you work with a family in that context?
Dale Hancock 34:31
That is a very very very good question. I’m glad you’ve raised it because I’ve just so happened to make some notes on this from previous so first of all, if from from a developing child if I if I can just polish this one off for a second. So I’m a newborn growing up. So number one, we don’t want to be a hypocrite. We need to be super mindful of using our devices in front of children. And we need to be super, super mindful of showing emotion. So if we’re sitting down with a three year old and we’re on our phone, that’s an issue. And if we see something on the news, or somebody sends us a message of our employee can’t come into work and we show frustration, the child is picking up on that, the child will observe that and have an association automatically, because you have with that piece of tech, and with that piece of emotion, so that’s very, very important. Number two, it’s really important to build a family plan. So I need you to get the whole family on board and make sure the kids have an input, especially when they get past the age of seven, we can call it the we can call it a code. So I don’t know, it could be, Hank, that the Hancock code or the Hancock bylaws or something like that, and you met you make sure that you on there, you have your rewards, and you have your redirection, so you can have sanctions or punishments if you want to, but it’s kind of its kind of heavy hitting. So reward system for doing a, b and c and, or, if not, if it goes against the rules, then it’s the redirections or refocus. And then every single month have a family Olympics. And we play games. And this is really cool because it helps teach a child to lose. And there’s a lot of emphasis on that. Because not not so long ago, there were no awards given out for children that were that one because it made the losers feel bad. But that’s not what life’s about. So the formula limits could involve physical tasks, like running or climbing a tree or doing hopscotch or I don’t know, something physical board games, and then and using virtual games as well. So actually playing video games, this is really this is I genuinely believe this is really, really important because you can structure around this and have a positive connotation to it. And there’s reasons for that, which I’ll explain later. Number four, now check rooms and number five screen schedule. And number six, you coach them throughout the process as well. Okay, so there we go. If we move on to your question, what if Dale, there is a 12 year old or a 10 year old? And we’ve we’ve only just heard this conversation? What do we do now? Or they last forever? Down the urethra of virtuality?
R Blank 37:10
Wow, that is quite an image. Yes,
Dale Hancock 37:13
absolutely. So with parents, it’s really, really important to be completely emotionally stable when we’re doing this. So if you can imagine, right now we’re having a podcast. And if a child comes in, if, say, if you’ve got a child, if your child comes in, and says, right, that’s it done. Now, come on, let’s go. On a scale of one to 10, I’m saying they will probably been 11. Because you’re frustrated, because you’re 35 minutes into a podcast and you’re doing this. Well. That’s the equivalent of going up to your your child and having no boundaries and no barriers and just turning off the Xbox and saying, right, get off. Now we’re doing this now. It’s so important to them, gaming is so important to them. So adults need to be super, super respectful. And it’s not a question of, well, it’s my house, it’s my rules and I pay for electricity. Great. We you can be like that and be super old fashioned if you want to, but it’s not going to help your child be on on be on your board be on your team beyond the family team. Why is this important? Because if we go about doing that, in a session, not too long, kind of this my way or the highway, autocratic style of teaching, coaching or parenting, whatever you want to call it, then they are not going to come up to you when they’re 16 years old with a problem. And sometimes it could be a very serious problem, especially what’s going on nowadays. And we my aim, one of my sole aims is to help children open up to their parents to trusted adults. So that’s super important. So step one, I’ll get them in a second arm rabbiting on answer. Okay? So step one is walk alongside them. And what is this? So if your child is playing, I don’t know Roblox or Minecraft or something like that. Or any other game, maybe even fortnight, who knows? walk alongside them. Asked to watch them for a little bit. Because what’s going on here is as we spoke about before about identity, a child when they’re playing the game they have identified with the characters they have identified with the game. They’ve got a good social network, because unfortunately, there’s just almost Metaverse Metaverse a call that’s not a word, but you know what I mean? They’re speaking to the children on the game as well. And if a parent goes in there with the mice Oh, this is a stupid game. This is This is rubbish. Why are you playing that rubbish for you need to go outside and play bla bla bla bla bla, they take the children will take that as a personal attack. So we mustn’t do that. So walking alongside them means sitting down watching the game and being really curious about the game as well. Oh my gosh, what’s that thing do you just shot in? That’s crazy. Oh my gosh, this is amazing. I know so many adults, so many parents that use this time to talk to their child even if they’re playing because what they’re doing is They have just been so they answer the question so unconsciously. So, they say that I’ve incorporated this before where parents have parents, parent child talk time about school. But by the way, the most boring question that parent could ever ask and everyone listened to this podcast is banned from saying this is the sentence. Oh, how our school is? Boring. Don’t you banned from that say something? Or what’s the funniest thing that happened at school today? Or what was the weirdest thing that happened at school today. And if you are struggling, then you break into what you love at work. Oh my gosh, Sandra from work, you wouldn’t believe it. She told the coffee Oh, she she burped and she posts your whatever, something funny that breaks a pattern. And then you can say what happened? What was most funny having your school day at school today, who’s your favorite teacher, whatever it might be. So walk alongside them sit on the game, be super interested, this automatically breaks the white noise, the parental white noise pattern automatically. And then you can be watching being curious, playing the games and pick them up as well. You can you can the next time do this all at once my word you don’t overwhelm the child. And this is a step by step process, which could take a long time. And it’s definitely definitely worth it the next time you go and sit with them. Step number two is pick up the games. So you say oh, by the way, do you know what?
Frankie, you’re playing this game? Didn’t you know that playing computer games is really good with decision making leadership skills and reaction time amongst other things as well. You can you can Google it. And you say so this is really, really cool. When you go to school tomorrow, this is a bit random, honestly, really, really random. But I know you like football, how can you use your computer games that you’re playing now, to help you become a better footballer, maybe a better leader do what you need to make decisions quickly. You know, you can just really talk about um, really big up the games as you’re playing. Step number three is a pattern interrupt. So this is all whilst they’re playing a computer game. So in this in this instance, so they’re playing a computer game or their or their whatever they’re on social It could even be social media you want you want to learn by social media, let’s say. But the planet computer game, let’s say and a pattern interrupt you could you could even swear, or age depending if they’re a teenager low we’re talking 16 or something that’s probably but then again, it’s all about family values, and etc. But that really interrupt a charge pattern. You could even research the game and find a little bit of information about what moved as water What is this? Or what character is who? And then when they’re playing the game. So oh my gosh, that’s Billy the banana or I don’t know something like that. And that will really ensure that passes up. Well. How did how do you know that? Zod you know, I just found it really interesting. That’s really, really good. And then you go off and do your own thing in Kochi. So number four is being a coach, he helped them coach you, mainly one day, you could say I can have a bit of a play. And the essence is very long winded. And we are this is a bit of a time constraints because she’d been playing. Hey, Jessica, can you teach me how to use Snapchat or tick tock because I’m going into a business now and I really want to grow? What’s the best hashtag hashtags to use what? And I don’t want to do it dance. So don’t worry, Mommy’s not gonna do a silly dance. It’s okay, but how can I use it? What can you help me? Help me out? If you wanted to, there could be even a little bit of a mini allowance. This is really useful in many allowances say, can you be my tick tock Coach, please. And this is really good because it’s helped growing their entrepreneurial mindset, which is so important these days. And then number five, educate and ask why so ask why why. So just to just briefly as your what what makes you want to play this game four by the way, when we when I say the word why a child was good developing brain cannot process the word why? Because why tends to occur almost in the prefrontal cortex of answering things and children can answer. That’s why judgment takes place. So making this is why children, especially teens, have such a tough time with acceptance or bullying, or making the right decisions air quotes, because this is where judgment takes place is the last part of the brain to develop. So what makes you want to play this game? What’s cool about this game that you like, and then you can educate yourself? You could say you can move forward to future pace and the child as well. This is quite useful as well. So ask for Ask for help of doing this. So playing a computer game. Oh of Charlie, if I was playing this computer game for five hours a day. What do you reckon it will do for me? Is it good? Is it useful? Could I use this for an interview if you want to get a new job? Perhaps you really signed to do a little bit of kind of almost reverse psychology with them. Yeah, and yeah,
R Blank 44:38
yeah, social. It’s got your social engineering child.
Dale Hancock 44:43
Yeah, spot on. You are absolutely a social engineering child. Absolutely. And the last one is do something random and thank them. So what do I mean it could just be when as you’re having conversations with them, it could be over dinner. You could be saying, Oh, how is fortnight what’s going on with Fortnite over dinner, what was going on the way home, it could be? Oh, just how many of your friends play this game? I really that’s really, really cool about cha cha cha cha cha. Listen, I want to I want to go for a walk, or I want to climb a tree, I want to do this, I want to be fitter. Can you help me? Can you help me. And because you’ve done all of this, work with them, because they you don’t, you’re not minimizing them, or you’re not belittling them for playing computer games, you’re not disrespecting them for playing computer games or being on social media, then they can see that you are walking alongside them for the betterment of them, and you thank them. And remember, as you’re going through this, as a parent, is super important not to be attached to expectations, because obviously, you you sort of got the guy would would completely understand this, if we’re attached to expectations, we’re going to be sorely disappointed for the continuation of our life. So we’ve got to make sure that we stay reserved in regard to expectations. But deep down, the child will see that you are making an effort. And because you’ve changed your usual white noise pattern, and interrupting your own patterns and being of interest and being interested in with with a child, then that will help them be more on board with you. And then you could you could ask them, go back to our original family plan, ask them to write up a family plan just here. Because you could see how it could be affecting the family. And this is a little family plan that I’d like to do now. That’s
R Blank 46:27
great. And so in an average kind of situation, how long does that that seven step social engineering plan really take to pay off?
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Dale Hancock 46:37
Yes, it could take a shorter month, it really could it could take it could take six months, it depends on the relationship and the report of the parent to the child. It could be it could be even shorter, because they could go for a different game. And so when when if there’s a different game, you could really jump on board have this on board, or what the common phrase they use nowadays is all four nights dead, which means it’s not very good.
Is it fantastic? So what you’re going to do now when your time is you’re under the game, or you’re going to do something fun, you’re going to watch so you can do this, etc.
R Blank 47:12
So you’re there’s plan I, I see, I see kind of the let me say the, the orientation of this plan, I see what it’s aimed at. And I understand that how it’s, let’s say how it’s designed to kind of ease the child into a different frame of mind what my question is, you know, this is all towards a goal. And I’m wondering, do the children so and I know that tech management is only part of an overall system that that that you cover. But when you’ve walked children down this path? Hmm. Do they start recognizing Are they aware of the of improvements to their their life as a result of the system?
Dale Hancock 47:55
The only this this is a fab question. The only the only way that I have seen this is when I get my mini clients and my little warriors on level two program which is under. For parents in particular, understanding that there is no stopping social media, web three is coming. It’s already here. The Metaverse is already here. So we’ve got to figure out a way to be completely on board, but have balance in our life physically, virtually and emotionally as well, if we need to understand as well, if something’s not serving us, from a child’s perspective, we need to let go, which is very tough at that age. So in regards to what I was gonna say, just social media, but in regards to gaming, what’s really fabulous about gaming, or just social media is be a producer, not a consumer be a creator, and not a producer. So we first have to identify when I work with children or I have to identify their passion, I have to identify what they are really, really not good at great at what are they great at or what do they like doing and what what maybe they could get paid for later on in life. I’m working with a boy at the moment who we’ve used a social media to grow his his his YouTube following. He’s got three it’s got a little YouTube, which is which is Minecraft building Minecraft builds. And it’s absolutely fascinating. He’s got to roughly around about 304 subscribers now. And his little face when he’s hit that number is just phenomenal because that is showing self self development, self achievement, and he’s using social media for good. And as we’re going through it. I am teaching him how to do thumbnails. I’m teaching them all about the background, how to how to create videos, what’s the best software, what microphones can we use? So when we when we figure out a child’s passion, we can figure out a way to help them become a creator, not a consumer And there could be children in the thick of it that are just producing. Sorry, just consuming, consuming, consuming. I was working with somebody the other day who shark Gosh, how is she she’s 16 years old and she’s got more of awareness and more of an awareness now. And she spent four hours scrolling on Tik Tok. So, how is Chris absolutely abundantly deserving?
R Blank 50:27
That’s what it’s engineered to do. But it’s still so amazing to hear it.
Dale Hancock 50:31
Yeah, absolutely. And and it’s so important for me to champion the fact that they are, is social media stronger than you? Are you stronger than social media? How often can you put the controller down on the phone down, I give random homeworks which is halfway through a game of feet, and oh, my goodness gracious me, I get a lot of stick from the kids. They they hate me sometimes. With a renewal reward system that I’ve gotten incorporated with the parents, one of their homeworks or challenges is to in the middle of a FIFA game. So a football game over in the UK, the middle of FIFA game. You’ve played one whole game and then halfway through middle one, I want you to turn it off. I don’t want you to video for me, please. And that’s fair because they can they turn it off and they don’t. And it’s it’s very hard to do. And we ended and even if they don’t I say so. So what happened? What what was blocking you? What was keeping you switched on to that? Is FIFA stronger than you? What did you lose? I’ll lose fit for FIFA Coins, FIFA points. Really an hour? And you can spend them at McDonald’s? Right? Or you can spend them out and about? No. Oh, what can you spend?
R Blank 51:40
You’re being scammed kid. Yeah,
Dale Hancock 51:42
well exactly. Get a different perspective on what on earth and what on earth is happening with them. And honestly, their minds are so precious and so delicate and so vulnerable. And so absorbing that if they if they jump onto any form of social media, or gaming or anything like that, or YouTube channel or something, they attach themselves to it, because essentially, they are seeking safety, they feel well, they feel happy, it’s comfort, you’ve probably got an evening comfort routine, or this is what children are doing. So it’s to respect and appreciate the fact they are seeking comfort with tech. They are finding comfort and that’s fabulous. But not when it becomes a detriment, not when it’s not when not wandering, not confined a purpose of is to use it for not when they are consuming and not creating there. Every single child on this planet has the capacity to be a creator, and what better way to do it, and social media, but we need to understand what social media is harmful for what we can do, how we can get around it, and maybe go on a digital dieting to help understand ourselves.
R Blank 52:46
No, that’s yeah, no and I and I really like your the way that you’ve explained the the focus on becoming a creator because that I feel like that, that puts the child in a position of increased control and stretches creative muscles rather than just, you know, reactive, hypnotic scrolling
Dale Hancock 53:07
100%. And that needs to be championed by the parents as well. So we had I had a boy last year who loved Minecraft. And he was very good with his hands. He was very, very kinesthetic, very kinesthetic learner. So my homework and this was overly lockdown as well. My homework for him was I want him to get some cardboard boxes and I want him to make himself a Minecraft character. And he had to go out in the forest with his friends and just just be playing Minecraft in Real Life. Let’s see what that we see what that see what that is like in his now now it was done if it’s now but last time I heard he was out building dens with his friends. And he says we can use this for good. Ah, we tell you.
R Blank 53:50
Yeah, no, it’s like it’s kind of like this, the the same sort of vibe that you learn when you’re studying, you know, Kung Fu or something to use use. Use the energy don’t fight the energy. Yeah. So I feel like I mean, I totally actually want this conversation to go on for hours because I your approach, it’s just it’s very actionable information on the topic I find super interesting. And in a minute here, I’m gonna give people where they can find more about you and your system. But before before we get to the wrapping this up, I did have one kind of other thread I wanted to pull. And that is in your book raw confidence which everyone can find on Amazon, both Kindle and paperback. I read about a 2014 study conducted at the Queensland School of Psychology and this one, it had two groups of people. One group received replies to social media posts and another group that didn’t. And the group that received replies had a higher sense of belonging than the group that didn’t and that’s not surprising, right? Yeah, but then you’ve mentioned One additional fact about the study, which is that the replies are from bots, not from humans.
Dale Hancock 55:06
I’ve heard this Yeah, carry on. This is fascinating. Yes.
R Blank 55:11
So what is the what? Why do you mention this in your book? What is the importance of this study?
Dale Hancock 55:16
Oh my word. It’s amazing because it’s almost like a sense of wanting to belong. wanting, wanting that nurture wanting that external validation wanting that approval, we are all human beings of of that just fighting to survive. Essentially, we’re all animals fighting to survive on this planet. But because our, our primal needs have been met with food, we don’t need to hunt anymore, we can just go to the supermarket and get our food which is which is absolutely amazing. So those those dangers don’t really exist anymore. But nowadays, instead that what that danger is now is a feeling of not belonging, not in a friend, not having the right partner seeking that really, that that perfect connection with a friend or a lover? So the it’s a really good study, isn’t it?
R Blank 56:05
Yeah. It really I mean, when you when you read it, and you find the results? It’s not surprising, but it definitely then you put it in the context of the topics you’re talking about, and really does make you think one of the parts of it that I wanted to get at in this chat here, right is if getting likes and replies made you increased have an increased sense of belonging, then why isn’t social media good for confidence building?
Dale Hancock 56:33
Why isn’t social media good for confidence building?
R Blank 56:36
Right? Because your system is about limiting exposure to social media as part of as an important part of establishing confidence in a child. I want? Yes. So
Dale Hancock 56:50
I’m going to be very convoluted with this answer. Because it depends on the content. So for example, if I was a 13 year old girl, and I’ve just got social media, yeah, I’m legally allowed to Snapchat and Tiktok and stuff. Brilliant. And post pictures on Instagram, guess what, I am automatically going to look for the best picture with the best lighting in my phone. And even if I can’t guess what I’m gonna, I’m going to use a filter to put it up there. And I’m going to make sure I get the good angle. So my lips are plumped out enough. And I’m looking fabulous. Really, really good for for whoever wants to see it. And there’s something going around at the moment that says posting this might delete later, which is kind of an unconscious message that if I don’t get enough likes on this, I’m going to delete it because it’s embarrassing, because I’m not going viral or something like that. Which is so so harmful. So it depends on the content. If if it’s, I’m gonna put it down to one simple sentence if it’s real, the likes of fabulous if it’s fake, the likes are in fabulous. So if it’s fake, by the way, in the realm of I’m just I’ve edited this video to the Pope to the bare bones. And it’s not really you, then you’re just showing your highlight reel, which is okay. Well, I mean, why not? People want to show that what what’s going good in their life they’ve have absolutely this wonderous to do that. Are the people receiving that if they can in Genesis I feel that’s a comparison then that’s their problem. That’s that’s something they need to work on? Where why? Why are they can Why on earth would they be comparing themselves their own life to this life of somebody else, especially deep down when they know it’s not real, then that that person is to do work, and that’s absolutely fine. So if it’s fake, if it if it’s almost like a bit, you know, completely edited video, picture or video, then that’s probably not the best thing because it’s going to attack their own identity that deep down a person is going to know that how edited that is. Where if it’s like a real photo or something they’re proud of, for example, it could be this this boy that’s that’s got his own YouTube channel is posted up his first ever tic toc. And this is my tic tock short of my YouTube channel. And he gets lots of likes and comments on that, then that’s brilliant because he’s worked hard for something. So maybe it’s in the in the realm of the the work ethics, when you’re working hard for something and you get you get comments from that recommendation from that, sorry, accommodation from that, then it’s really, really useful to help boost that now. slight caveat is there’s nothing wrong with having external validation, in fact, is great, isn’t it? I mean, how wouldn’t it be cooler with when with your podcast is kicking off? Would it be fantastic for people to shout about in scream environment? Social media, that’s excellent validation. That’s wonderful. Yeah. But on a deep level, though, you know full well that you’ve had to work hard to organize this conversation. You’ve had to work hard on your brand. You’ve you’ve paid money to amazing coaches, that is worth identifying within you your own internal validation. So there’s a little measure that I like to think of. Before I post something, I asked myself how Am I happy with this? Is this going to harm other people? And is this serving my internal validation? percent wise more than my external validation? And then I post it?
R Blank 1:00:16
I’m sorry, I’m just actually writing that down. Case everyone’s like me, what was the third one? So you have I might happy with this. Is this going to harm people? And the third one
Dale Hancock 1:00:26
is percentage wise. Is this raising my internal validation? More over the my external validation? Okay, yeah. So if I’m thinking, actually, you know what, I’m on the beat, oh, my gosh, ah, so, I’m in my word. I’m in Barbados, and I’ve been doing a juice fast and I’m looking ripped, and I’m looking. I’m gonna post this and I know full well deep down on a very primal chimpy. My set level, I know that I’m going to get loads of likes, it’s going to make me feel good, because my amps are out. And obviously that goes completely against my brand because I work with kids. So that’s a big fat no, no. Yeah, so it depends really on how much did I did I?
R Blank 1:01:11
That’s what use your fin stuff for, as I understand it. Not not your actual end stuff.
Dale Hancock 1:01:16
R Blank 1:01:19
Well, Dale, this is this has been a fantastic chat I, I love, I love the energy you bring to it. But more than that, this has been really, really good information for my listeners. And I’m just super thrilled that you made the time to come on to the healthier tech podcast.
Dale Hancock 1:01:36
Oh, um, it’s been an absolute privilege and an honor. And if you ever need me back later on this year, then we need to do is give me a whistle. Oh,
R Blank 1:01:43
careful, don’t get addicted. So if everyone can interested in learning more about Dale, you can check him out on Instagram at Dale Vincent coaching. And you can find his book raw confidence on Amazon in both Kindle and paperback editions. Once again, Dale, thank you so much for for making the time.
Dale Hancock 1:02:03
Thank you, Connie said have a powerful day.
R Blank 1:02:10
As always, I’m joined by my co host, Stephanie to chat about the interview stuff. I thought that was a pretty fantastic interview. You know, when I originally talked to you about planning an episode kind of on these on these topics, you know, on this theme? I was I was really looking. Well, let me let me just say it this way. I wasn’t anticipating an interview that was this chock full with actionable information. I thought it would be more about the discussion of the importance of digital detox for children. But But Dale actually came to the table with no, this is what you do. And this is how I do it. And obviously, there’s only so much you can cover in an hour. But I thought it was really insightful and illuminating.
Stephanie Warner 1:02:53
Yeah, I think it was insightful, illuminating and super empowering for parents, especially parents who, whether you’re you have a new you know, you have a newborn and you’re you’re daunted by how do I navigate this, you know, social media? How do I navigate screen time video game use or overuse them. And if you have a child that’s say, 1012, you know, older who’s already established his kind of relationship with, with, with digital with devices. And I really appreciate that, in this interview, Dale was able to empower the parents to identify the not just say, like, no, don’t use, you know, we need to limit screentime, but also recognizing that this stuff’s not going away. So giving parents a refreshing opportunity to look at this, to integrate it into the fabric of, you know, the teaching your children, how to be more confident, and to take the good stuff out of social media and the good stuff out of even playing video games.
R Blank 1:04:06
Yeah, the way I, the way I wrote it in my notes is, the way the vibe I was getting from the lessons he was teaching, is that he teaches parents to recognize and not to fight the reality of their children’s lives. And, you know, so like, one of the examples is Don’t you know, don’t just you can’t keep kids off of social media. So instead focus them on becoming a creator, not a consumer, and that seemed and I’d never even thought of it in those. I mean, you hear the term greater economy all the time now and you know, more and more people are doing but I’d never thought of it in the kind of terms that Dale presented it where you know, being a creator, it’s not just something you do it actually it creates power for yourself and it forces creativity in your in your learning and your activity. And the another example, was don’t just limit At screentime, you have to plan replacements for screen time, right? Because you can’t just say don’t do this, you have to give an option for something else to do. And so that that really stood out to me in what he was talking about.
Stephanie Warner 1:05:14
Yeah, and, and to, to kind of bring it back. And in the beginning of the interview, as Dale was talking about, you know, kind of the purpose, and I think this might have gotten lost in some of in the just the meat of this interview, is that the purpose of doing all these things as a parent is to build not just to build their confidence, but to build your Children’s Trust, so that when they need to come to you for something they know that they can, and part of that is, is a big part of that nowadays is not diminishing the things that they’re interested in, even if you are not necessarily interested in it, or you think that’s maybe not useful, and not a good way to use time. So, you know, social media and video games, and I thought that was a really important concept.
R Blank 1:06:06
Yeah, no, I, I’m glad you brought that up building trust, because I forgot to take that note, but I was super critical to, to his approach to this whole thing. And, and I guess that’s all part of what I think the big takeaway, the kind of big picture takeaway that I got from that interview, is, you know, because people like me, and people in our space, often talk about limiting screen time and the importance of limiting screen time. But But what Dale really shows is that limiting screen time, that has to be part of a broader approach, it can’t be done on its own, you can’t just sit down and say, Okay, we’re limiting screen time in this house, there has to be a plan and it’s part of a bigger is part of a bigger plan that encompasses more than just limiting the screen time.
Stephanie Warner 1:06:54
Right. And in addition to that, when making better utilization of the screen time that you have, so bringing, I love the concept of bringing some of the valuable things that you learn from I’m going to use video games again isn’t isn’t an example. But there are things you do learn how to make decisions quickly you do learn, you know, how to how to, you know, react quickly, and bringing that into real life like how do we how do parents hone in on those things and bring them into real life and help their kids identify those traits for themselves and bring them into real life Love Day. I just loved it. What a great interview.
R Blank 1:07:40
I’m gonna have to listen to it a few times, I think and and we really just only scratched the surface but I’m so thankful that we got Dale on the show. And yeah, no, this was this was great. I hope the listeners like it.
Stephanie Warner 1:07:54
I agree. I agree. Share this. Share this with any of your friends who have children. This is his work is is essential. I think it’s a it’s, it’s wonderful.
R Blank 1:08:08
Well, that does it for today’s episode. Remember if you like this show and want to hear more, please subscribe to healthier tech podcast available on all major podcasting platforms. And if you have a moment please also leave a review reviews are really critical to help more people find this podcast and learn about the important and undercover topics that we discuss. Also, you can learn more and sign up for our mailing list to get notified when we have new interviews, webinars, ebooks and sales at shield your body calm. You can also just click that link in the show notes. While you’re there at shield your body calm you can check out our world class catalog of laboratory tested EMF and 5g protection products. Don’t forget to use promo code pod to save 15% On your first order from shield your body comm with free shipping throughout North America and Europe. Until next time, I’m R blank. And I want to thank you so much for tuning into the healthier tech podcast. Always remember to shield your body
Transcribed by https://otter.ai